The notion of karma is a heavily loaded one; widely accepted is the notion that if you commit some transgression, however large or small, any unsavory events that (just-so-happen-to) follow are the result of karmic justice.
What you get what you serve.
You reap what you sow.
What goes around comes around. (Your ma boy, JT!)
IIIIIII’m not convinced it’s that simple.
Let’s examine: there are numerous interpretations of the concept of karma, and while some religions and spiritual bodies hold that a higher being is the puppetmaster in an individual’s karmic theatrics, others espouse the idea that each human being is the creator and recipient of his or her own karma.
I’m 100% down with the latter view but what doesn’t jive with me is how it’s been largely perverted into this cut-and-dry and at times, ominous thing.
Cause and effect.
Do bad, get bad. On the flip side there’s ‘do good, get good’ but what if you’re doing good for the wrong reasons?
There’s many shades of grey here.
Not those shades of grey.
One of my favorite yoga teachers introduced me to the idea that karma is simply lessons that you have to learn.
That, I can wrap my head around. It doesn’t extricate the causality from it, but makes it seem less of a sentence and more of a natural progression. Me gusta that mucho.
So as I sit here perched atop a stool in my kitchen, having experienced untold shifting and changing in the past several months, I can’t help but think that karma has shaped the rocky road I’ve been traveling since having last blogged in February.
In the span of 5ish months, I took a step back from teaching yoga and freelancing and worked full time at an ad agency. It was a decision tinged with dread but propelled forward by necessity and while my experience there has been mostly tumultuous and stressful, it ultimately solidified my conviction there is a place for me in the holistic world and that I’m going to find it.
I certainly have a knack for blindly meandering around my career (and life) path, bumping into walls and getting knocked on my ass, but I ‘spose that’s what it takes for me to see things more clearly.
It’s like having a pair of glasses that gets slowly and subtly caked with dust and dirt – to the point that you have to make a full clean sweep in order to see again, and even though you thought you had been viewing life through an at least somewhat clear lens, you realize your vision was clouded all along.
So that’s been my story. It’s not as if every single second of every single day has been punctured by misery but I now know categorically that agency life and Meghans do not mix. As much as this time has been riddled with struggle and strife, it was a necessary experience. I had to go through it to strengthen my resolve to find my niche.
Being over-stressed and out-of-place in my own body was certainly no fun, and indubitably less fun for the people I love who had to experience Ad Agency Meghan, but I can’t regret it.
During this time I let go of a lot of the habits and values that are hugely important to me. Threw them out the window because I was stressed, goddamnit, and needed that third peanut butter and jelly wrap to get through the day. Needed that extra yoga class to take the edge off, even though it meant a canceling of plans and sadness over having missed out on being social. I hated what was happening to me and how I was responding to it, but felt powerless to stop it.
My normal healthy behaviors were replaced by extremes and my body responded accordingly; puffy and exhausted, I was a nervous wreck nearly all the time and became a bit reclusive. The people closest to me felt the burn I’m sure and for that I feel badly, but if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have grown a deeper appreciation for balance.
For the things that make me fee good and whole.
If it didn’t happen, I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to pursue in education in what I love and what I’ve not felt ‘evolved’ or ‘yoga-y’ enough to reach for: eastern medicine. I probably wouldn’t be able to say that I’ll be going back to school this fall to earn a masters in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. But that’s what I’m going to do.
I probably wouldn’t have a renewed appreciation for teaching, either, but four months after closing my flowtebook, I picked up a weekly Sunday morning class and have never been more fulfilled by my teaching experiences.
It’s also true that I probably wouldn’t have my foot wrapped up in a ridiculous boot if I’d rehabbed an injury when it first occurred, instead of plowing ahead, guns blazin’, like I always do. And as much as this injury frustrates me, apparently it’s what needed to happen for me to slow the F down.
To not work out like a contestant on the Biggest Loser.
To not have to go to yoga everydayoftheweek.
So karma can be rewarding and it can be painful, all at once. And whether you call it karma or fate, or credit your journey to Miss Cleo, there’s a bigger picture for you that’s unfolding for you, one way or another. It’s frightening to surrender control but the sooner you accept it, the more welcoming you become of the notion that you’re going to land where you’re meant to land.
Sitting in an itchy boot…
Planning your next yoga class…
Scoping out registration for classes…
And even though there’s a hint of a tear welling in your eye,
Letting the corners of your mouth curve upward into a smile.